I have an honest question to ask. Have you ever wondered about these things called boundaries? And maybe you looked up the definition, or even read another blog to give you more insight, or steps to set boundaries.
There are 2 different types of personal boundaries: physical and emotional. I want to touch base on emotional boundaries. Let’s take an introspective look here.
Do you believe you have set proper emotional boundaries for yourself?
Ok, great now lets go a little deeper. I really sat back and thought about boundaries I’ve set in relationships and realized there was something that was off. Learning how to say no, or giving timelines for my availability so I wouldn’t burn out were absolutely helpful, however I began to recognize my emotional boundaries that I set were off just a HUGE tad.
Think with me for a minute. What if your emotional boundaries weren’t based in thinking from a healthy place? What if the emotional boundaries that you set were based on a wrong relationship with yourself? I know, I know deep thinking right?
As women who lead, we give out an extreme amount of emotional energy on a daily basis. Whether you are a mother, student, wife, employee, businesswoman, retiree, grandparent, or a combination of these roles etc. You…YES…You expel emotional energy. This calls for a healthy relationship with yourself that includes emotional boundaries. How can we realistically set personal emotional boundaries for others, if we don’t do it for ourselves FIRST? If you’re not able to treat you right, then no one else will be required to.
My life was completely changed!
When I found out I was pregnant with my daughter, I had great relationships. I had a large pool of people that I called friends. Soon after I began to develop my super big pregnant belly a lot of relationships fell off, and after I had my daughter my relationships fell off by 80% (no exaggeration). Hurt, frustrated and disappointed I immediately set “emotional boundaries” …at least that’s what I told myself.
Boundary 1: Not initiating conversation, unless someone else did.
Boundary 2: Remaining surface in conversation, minding my own business.
Boundary 3: Showing care, only if someone else did.
I realized I was really operating out of a protective fear shield rather than healthy emotional boundaries.
Fear can make you think you have the right emotional boundaries.
It was necessary for me to STOP! Stop to think about how I processed hurtful situations, and STOP to recognize the fear that was very present. Just by doing those two things was an automatic step in the right direction to setting healthy emotional boundaries.
Ok, let’s put something’s into motion
Here are 3 tips to help you build healthy emotional boundaries.
Don’t’ be so hard on yourself.
Make positive affirmations about the awesomeness that is you.
I remember the time in life that I started to value ME. I accepted everything about myself, and was able to then set healthy emotional boundaries for the relationships in my life.
ADDRESS YOUR FEARS
Take inventory of the things that cause fear in your life. Literally take a pen and a piece of paper and write them down in detail. Next write down the worst that could happen (this may sound odd). Now, write down what you desire beyond the fear. Finally, rather than allowing this fear to keep you inside your comfort zone find little ways to step outside your comfort zone that will take you one step further to your desired end.
This doesn’t mean just going to sleep…find sometime for you and do something you enjoy that maybe relaxing to you.
It’s an exciting thing to be a woman learning how to lead in our everyday lives. It’s a great day in history to thrive as women. Now let’s go and set these healthy emotional boundaries, and LIVE WELL!!!
Tabitha Wilson is an office administrator, mother of 1, and pursing her Master’s Degree in Counseling.